There's a time in late youth when the mind is at its fullest power and the passions are intense and green and the imagination is straining to find expression like a sleek, ungainly colt. At such a time, you need to immerse yourself in great works of art and literature. You're struggling to form maxims, to generalize from observations, to give some form to your powerful emotions, but you're working with insufficient material. You need more detailed knowledge. Your experiences and the experiences of your friends are not complex enough or rich enough to give rise to the kind of generalizations you're trying to form. Read William Blake. Read Nietzsche and Schopenhauer. Listen to Wagner and Copland. Go see the abstract expressionists and the pop artists. Watch Godard movies. Train yourself to question your own conclusions. Try to see how making a statement like "It is ridiculous to believe that any sane person would truly care for anyone but themselves" requires you to examine whole bodies of thought from Plato and his ideas about love to medieval courtly love traditions to the Heian Court of Japan and Lady Murasaki to Russian peasants and Celtic druids and Renaissance ideas of beauty and the Romantic tradition to Ayn Rand and her ilk.
The problems you are grappling with are huge; it is not ridiculous for a sane person to truly care about anyone but themselves, nor are our emotions trivialized by the fact that chemicals are involved in their expression. We do care about others. That doesn't make us crazy. Water is a chemical. That doesn't make the ocean trivial. You need to spend years reading and thinking about these things or nothing will make any sense to you. You need to find that world in a grain of sand that Blake was talking about. If you're in school, take a class in logic. Learn to determine the truth or falsehood of an assertion. Take some astronomy. Learn how they figured out that the earth goes around the sun. Take a class in aesthetics. Try to define beauty. Read Faulkner and Nabokov and Wallace Stevens. Read the Beats. Read Stendhal. Read Baudelaire. Read Dostoevski and Tolstoy. Shake yourself up.
You are apparently drawn to such dramatic pronouncements as "Love doesn't exist between two people who have never held a conversation for longer than an hour." I understand what you are talking about, but the truth is much grander still; it is both more complex and more simple: Love can exist anywhere, between any two people, for any length of time. You are simply going to have to do the hard work of studying emotion in its details. Read Freud and Jung. Read the Bible. Read Ezra Pound. Read David Foster Wallace. Read everything you can find. You need to get yourself anchored. You need to be humbled by the abundant genius of the world, and find your place among the geniuses.
- Carl Tennis
from Salon's "Since You Asked"